County Fair Heats Up

My family and I decided nothing spells Summer like a visit to the County Fair to see the Demolition Derby. We first made our way to the animal tents. I'm always concerned that someone is going to have an allergy attack given the festival of dust, hay, hair, and who knows what else. But it went well and we saw cows, pigs, rabbits (warning: do not stick your fingers in the cages), chickens, ducks - you get the picture. A couple of "Awwww" moments and it was time to catch a bite to eat. We stopped at the 4H food tent to take part in the Wisconsin tradition of either a brat or grilled cheese. A happy helping of cholesterol was had by all. Next stop, Demolition Derby starting at 1 p.m. It was a beautiful August day, warm sun, especially with the vast amounts of concrete present at the grandstands. I felt like an ant under a magnifying glass. (Note to self - pack water bottles for almost every event.) The kids were melting and this was complicated by the fact that we couldn't find any seats. It seems the proper way to reserve your seat for the big event is to strap your old nasty blanket that Bingo used to sleep on to the stands with a roll or two of duct tape. Lesson learned! The kids and hubby ended up sitting on tall stairs that I leaned up against. While we were waiting, I noticed this would be the perfect place to setup a dentist referral program or a tattoo shop. Or, even better, a tube top outlet. Everybody looks good in tube tops - that's just a given. I was a good Samaritan and helped one gal get a bug out of her flowing perm. I noticed that there was a man of short stature standing about 4 feet down from me. Let's call him "Shorty". Suddenly, he was next to me talking. I have this thing where I try to be nice to most people (I'm not going to go into the criteria I use, but about 99% of people I at least try with). However, I may have to adjust this a little bit from now on. Shorty was talking to me, but this was hampered by the fact that he had one front tooth - total teeth = 1. I hadn't realized how much your teeth are required to articulate. I couldn't understand what he was saying and thought maybe it was about the truck pull so I said,"Yeah, pretty crazy, huh?" I figured that would cover a lot of bases. Well, he just kept talking and I tried to catch what he was saying, but wasn't very successful. At some point, I got the feeling that things were going south when I caught the words "take me home" followed by a scary grimace. Alarms went off. Just then a gal from the grandstands came down to escort me and my family to her blankets as they had room. Whoa, close one. I'm kind of depressed in a way. When is the last time I was hit on and does it have to be a guy with one tooth who probably had his fill and mine of his favorite brew? Sucks getting old. Finally it was time for the heats to begin. But first, we need to pause for the National Anthem. Who do you suppose the voice coming from the boom box was? Yep, easy one - Cher. I just have to laugh. How did this happen? "Hey Marge, do you have anyone singing the National Anthem in your CD collection?" "Oh sure, Doreen! You know who does the best job is Cher. Gives me goosebumps every time." After about two rounds of cars, we left. I don't think the kids were having a good time even with the countdown to the start of the heats. I'm not sure we'll return to the fair next year, but it was definitely a slice.

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